I am officially at a creative standstill. I think it best if I make a list of things I should do for the rest of summer to re-energize myself.
-Learn all the computer programs I've been putting off: Illustrator, Flash, as well as relearning 3D programs like 3D Studio Max, Maya, Z-Brush.
-Make my website, study CSS and HTML.
-Go to a new museum.
-Go out on the town for a huge night of partying. Bring friends and cab money.
-Cook something new.
-Cook something familiar.
-Try a new workout.
-Go clothes shopping, try on things I wouldn't normally wear.
-Spend some quality time with my friends.
-Play aaaallllll the games I've been putting off. Start the games I bought from Steam's summer sale, but also finish the games I'm halfway through. Even finishing them would give me some sense of achievement.
-Draw every single day, even when I don't feel like it.
-Program. Code something, even if it's not practical, even if it's not something I want to show off. Just keep the computer science juices flowing.
-Bring out all my traditional art supplies and use them: acrylic paints, gouache, oil pastels, markers, colored pencils, charcoal, graphite, water-soluble graphite, collage. Do a little bit of everything. And put it all on my website.
-Watch all the movies I've been wanting to watch. All the old horrors, dramas, thrillers, sci-fi/fantasy movies that are considered classics in my industry.
-Read a book. Any book, just read a book.
-Write! Like this. Maybe not every day, but write every so often just to exercise the power of communication.
-Stop eating so much ice cream. Try other sugary ways of killing yourself.
-Explore the internet in general. Visit new websites. Find all the niche subcultures I should know as a netizen. I have a feeling knowledge like this will come in handy next year when I start working, whatever I end up doing.
-Go on a date.
-Try a new taco shop. (Do not combine with the date. This is cheap—in more ways than one—and dangerous.)
-Read the news every day. Actually READ the news.
-Watch TV! And don't feel bad about it.
-Play a board game.

If all the stupid decorations in public spaces that no one ever looks at had never been built and the money that had gone to their construction and installation instead went overseas to help poverty and curable disease, I wonder how many people would benefit. Am I an asshole for thinking this every time I see a gaudy sign or colorful light fixture in a restaurant? People are just there to eat. They really don't give a hoot about the frosted glass wall sconce. Or maybe they do, and their continued business at decorated establishments evinces this.

I'm really happy that I go to UCSD. Today I saw such a wide variety of people walking about. Especially for summer session, I've been seeing a lot of students on campus, students from all sorts of backgrounds. Every time I see a young Muslim woman on campus, I feel like I am going to a really good school. I feel like I am in the company of liberal, accepting, friendly people. Maybe I am easily affected by these little things. Is there such a thing as being too observant? Meaning, do I pay attention to the details so much to the extent that I extract meaning where there is none? Maybe there was just a Muslim woman walking around campus today. Maybe it doesn't necessarily mean anything. I think I try and make bigger conclusions about small little things I notice. In doing this, I might be ignoring problems that really exist because my observations have lead me to believe that everything's okay when it's not.

Then again, maybe being overly observant works in the other direction. Maybe I perceive negative occurrences to be a part of a bigger pattern when they're not. So that cancels out the good patterns I falsely believe to exist? Either way, I think I should stop looking for reasoning where there is none. Sometimes things just happen. Sometimes people are in a certain place at a certain time, and the only reason for it is why that person is there at that particular time. Not everyone's every movement is connected to a larger current. Sometimes, people just wander. And I don't want to overlook an individual fish's decision just because the the whole school is moving a certain way.

Going off of yesterday's post, I have been thinking about other spaces that we enter in order to feel like a certain person. Although they all serve their own purpose, we do use them to feel like a kind of person that we want to be. Here is my list:

Hair salon - After I get my hair done, I surely feel like a different person. My appearance has changed and the act of enhancing my appearance arguably makes me a certain type, but being in the space of a salon makes me feel like a part of pop culture. I am in the cool crowd because that is a place that cool people frequent.

Library - Even if I don't read a single book in the library, I feel smarter being in there. The close proximity to so much knowledge makes me feel enlightened. I'll go to the library to work even if I don't use of the resources available. It's a weird kind of contact high that doesn't make much sense, but it feels so right.

Grocery store - The market is a staple of everyday lives because we all need to eat. I can only speak for myself when I say this, but I go into the grocery store sometimes to feel like I care about my body and my health. After going grocery shopping, I feel like I am more in touch with my life, like I am more in control than I was before I went grocery shopping. I think this is because the grocery store gives us so many choices. You can't look anywhere in there without seeing something that you can choose to by or walk past. Maybe this is why shopping malls and stores in general are so popular. We feel in control because there are so many choices at our fingertips. Even if we don't necessarily want to buy everything, or even if we can't afford anything in the store, just being in there puts us on that side of the fence, the consumer side. And part of the American dream is being able to buy anything we want. Being a consumer, having that ability, that is supposedly power. Little do we realize that consumers are at the whim of producers. Having the ability to choose what goes on the shelf, that's a whole other side of power we rarely acknowledge.

Outdoors - I was guilty of this this morning. Lately, I haven't much felt like doing on my morning run. For a while, I had a really good habit of waking up and going on a run before having breakfast. Then I'd come home and make myself something nutritious to eat. I would feel energized and healthy for the rest of the day. In the past few months though, I've given up on running because of business and plain old lethargy. To try and make a comeback, I'll maybe go on a quick walk outside. Even just going around the block once makes me feel better, and even that tiny bit of exercise surely does help. But I've realized that just being outside makes me feel healthier, and I think it's a false sense of healthy. The sun and fresh air is undoubtedly salutary in the morning, but it's not the same as the physical exertion I was putting myself through before.

I spent a lot of today in a coffee shop. It's such a weird setting to be in. Well, for a single anyways. Well, for me anyways. I can't help but look around and wonder what everyone else is doing. It looks like they're meeting people here. It's never a place to come for the coffee. The product they serve is more of an activity to partake in with other people. It's a starting point for conversation and sharing.

What does this say about our ability to connect with others? Does it mean we always need some medium in which to be ourselves, in which to talk to other people? Why can't there be a public space, like a square room with nothing in it, to just meet and chat? This of course takes up valuable space that would otherwise be used for a business. You can't pay rent by giving away free space. Still, there are plenty of public spaces people can meet in. Why don't we go to the park more often to socialize? Or the beach, or just walking around the neighborhood? People do these things, but the cafe is still a staple in everyone's lives.

Maybe it's a way for us to exercise our wallets. It gives us something to buy and show how wealthy we are, that we can buy a cup of coffee that we don't need to furnish an activity that doesn't particularly require any outside factors. There are a lot of things in life that we buy to supplement an activity that doesn't really need it. Driving requires little more than a working car, but rims, paint jobs, accessories, ornaments, lights, and all sorts of decorations are popular with car owners. Even the car itself is often bigger than it needs to be to contain the one or two people that are usually in it.

The cafe is really a sort of identity. We choose a cafe that is decorated and fitted to attract a "cool" crowd. It is hip in its presentation, and therefore attracts the young, hip crowd. We enter this space and then feel like we are a part of this crowd. I am going to think more about this idea that entering a space gives us an identity.

A lot of times I want to force myself to do something, I'll make it known to other people that I have a goal. When I know that other people know, it encourages me to follow up on my plan and see it through. I can't just leave it behind, forget about it, procrastinate, make up excuses, get busy with other things... I have to actually do what I promise I would. ...in theory. I've tried this recently, but it hasn't worked. Maybe it's just not a successful technique for me anymore. Maybe I know that other people don't really care about my goals and won't pressure me or hold me up to my own standards. Maybe people aren't even really reading it.

These promises I make are on Facebook, by the way. That's probably my first problem. No one goes on Facebook to help others or care about their friends. It's more of a cathartic outlet than anything else, which explains why I'm posting about my goals on there in the first place. Facebook has that quality now. It's like a blog where you know other people are watching you and judging you by what you post, and it's enjoyable in a sick way. I have been Facebook friends with so many people who post things just so they'll appear a certain way. They put up a facade. That's so strange that the same platform can be used as an outlet for who you really are or as a canvas for portraying who you want people to see you as.

This makes me wonder what Facebook's successor will be. What qualities and features will it have that will set it apart? What will attract people to it and distract from Facebook? I think it will be guided by the wants and needs of people like I talked about above. They are like consumers in a way. The producers will give them the functionality that they want, whether it's practical or emotional. The next big question is will Facebook be able to keep up? Will they follow suit and evolve to the changing desires of their user base? The converse would be staying the same, not sacrificing their values. But what values does Facebook have exactly? Some may say that they'll change who they are to satisfy the people. I'm not convinced that that makes them any less dignified. Did Mark Zuckerberg create Facebook with certain values he wanted to spread, or was he reflecting values that were already part of culture?

Beast. Monster. Ogre. Ugly. Outcast. Acne. Severe. Limb. Arm. Hand. Finger. Nail. Hammer. Tool. Jersey Shore. Tom's River. Six Flags. Roller coaster. Final Destination 3. Bad movies. Death to Smoochie wasn't that bad...

I don't think I have any pet peeves (except maybe when people ask me what my pet peeves are). When I think of pet peeves, I think of something that's pretty trivial but irritating nonetheless. I really don't think I have any. Not because I'm an easy-going person that sees the good in everything. More like, when I'm bothered, I'm aggravated to the point of pissed off. Case-in-point: the number one thing that bothers me are spoilers. Not expiration dates. I mean in regards to movies, games, tv shows... usually narrative-based works, but not limited to just that. I HATE when people ruin something for me when I intend on experiencing it for myself. It is the most depressing and infuriating thing someone could say to me. I am so looking forward to experiencing a certain emotion, epiphany, realization, solution to a puzzle, or other experience for myself unaltered that when someone tells me what happens, I want to punch that person in the face. I remember reading about the notorious twist in Final Fantasy VII before I planned on playing the game. I didn't think I liked RPGs. I finally played it and loved it, and I was so bummed out that I ruined the big moment for myself. I still managed to tear up, though.

Sometimes people don't so much as spoil it for you, but they do alter your expectations. Conversation about a film, hype surrounding it, excessive viewing of trailers, all kinds of stuff can get into your mind and plant suppositions and preconceived notions of what is to come. Mostly these work against the film viewing experience. All too often I have gone into a movie I have really wanted to see and come out disappointed that the movie did not meet my expectations. It makes me want to experience art in a bubble so I'm not thinking ahead and expecting anything. However, this phenomenon can sometimes make the movie-watching experience better. When I don't think the movie will be very good, I may end up liking it more than anyone else. This is because I expect everything to be bad (or at least the aspects people warn me of), and I expect not to get anything out of the movie. Even if most of the movie is bad, maybe I'll appreciate the costumes, or the lighting, or a joke here and there. Or maybe it will be so bad it's good. Either way, I really liked Death to Smoochy.

I don't really feel like writing today, so I painted a canyon instead (Wacom Bamboo Fun and Photoshop CS3).